Dreams

so sunday i had a dream while i was taking a nap. in my dream i had just woken up but i couldn't open my eyes and i couldn't move. so i decided to try screaming to see if someone would come help me. but i couldn't scream either. so there i was, laying in bed, not able to scream, open my eyes or move. it felt like i was paralyzed. for a while i didn't think much of it. i mean i knew it wasn't a normal dream but i dunno. so tonight at church i was sitting during the worship at the end thinking. i thought about how that kind of seemed like where my relationship with God is now. i feel like i'm paralyzed. i'm in this spot in my relationship with him and i can't seem to get out of it. i keep screaming for someone to help me, but no one is coming. it's like i'm hoping a person will come rescue me when no one can except me. i am the only one who can get myself out of this. i am the only one who can make this paralysis go away. the only way i can do that is by changing what i'm doing now. i need to read my Bible and i need to pray. it needs to be something that i want to do though. i need to want to do those things. so that' what i'm going to do. im going to read my Bible and i'm going pray. i am going to get my relationship with God where it needs to be. i am going to continue to grow in my relationship with God. i'm tired of feeling like i'm just stuck in this place and i can't get out of it. i know that i can get out of it and i need to do everything i can do make that happen.

then tonight i was talking to Sarah about it. she told me that i may see myself as paralyzed, like i can't get out of this place but that's not how God sees me. He knows that i can get out of this and grow in my relationship with him. He sees the potential i have, not that i'm paralyzed and never gonna change.

a while ago i asked Sarah to be my mentor. i feel like i need someone older and wiser. i know i can talk to her anytime but this way we have a time when it's just us and just we can talk about things without anyone else around. she told me that from now until we meet for the first time i need to think about what i want to add to my schedule. something i can do to make my relationship with God better. i decided what that is. on my way to school, while i'm in the car, i'm going to pray. i'm not going to listen to music and i'm going to pray. i'm going to take that time to spend with God. It takes me about 10 minutes and that way i know i am getting 10 minutes with God every day. also on the way to school on the trolley i'm going to listen to Christian music. so i'm going to start that tomorrow. 

i'm excited to get my relationship with God right. i'm excited to move forward and see what He has in store for me. i know that they are great things and i can't wait to see what they are!

I'm hoping that this time i spend with God will help me concentrate on Him more. lately i've been realizing that my focus has been on David way more than God. so i'm hoping that this new period of time that is devoted to God will help me redirect my focus and get my priorities straight. i can't wait to see what God has in store for me in mentoring with Sarah and in my relationship with Him!